My Once and Future Love Read online

  The sun was just starting to illuminate the city when he took me home on the bike. He parked at the entrance of the property, not wanting to chance waking someone in the house with the engine noise.

  “Call me when you know the time of your flight,” he said.

  “Wait a few minutes. Your mom probably left the info on my bed.”

  He wrapped his arms around my waist. “Mmm…bed…”

  “I know…I could sleep ‘til noon.”

  “Wore you out, did I?” he asked, wearing a proud smirk.

  “Hey, I’m not the one who had to slam a Red Bull to be able to drive.”

  He laughed. “Fair enough. Come on.” He took my hand and led me through the gate.

  Luckily, the front door and its lock were well-oiled. We entered with only the slightest sound.

  “Wait here,” I whispered.

  “Don’t trust me in your boudoir?” he teased.

  “Hell no.” Not with us both wanting to strip down and curl up in bed until tomorrow.

  I took the stairs with gingerly steps, both to be quiet and because of my protesting thighs. Just as I thought, Vivian had scribbled the flight number, time, and gate on a notepad in neat cursive. I copied the info and went back down to him.

  “Flight leaves at noon if it’s on time.”

  “Too soon.”

  A lump developed in my throat. “Don’t make this harder. I have to go.”

  He sighed, and hugged me. “I know, love. Sorry for bein’ a selfish git. Your mum is a special lady and you should be with her to support her.”

  “Thank you. Well…see you in a few hours?”

  He pulled back enough to meet my eyes. “Count on it. I’m escorting you as far as they’ll let me.”

  I nodded, knowing if I tried to speak I’d cry. He cupped my face, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs, and softly kissed me.

  “Until later, sweetheart.”

  “Later.” I appreciated that he didn’t say “goodbye”.

  He slipped out the front door. I watched him walk down the drive to the street, then went up to my room, the tears I’d been holding back no longer cooperating.

  Exhausted, I set the alarm, then changed into my pajamas and brushed my teeth. I’d pack when I got up.

  Once I stretched out in bed, though, the saying too tired to sleep came to mind. My fears started to take over—fear that Mom wouldn’t be alright, worries about his feelings fading away once I was gone—and I couldn’t shut off my brain.

  When the alarm buzzed, I felt like I’d just fallen asleep. It took a few minutes to get my body to follow the command to get up and shut it off.

  Twelve hour flight. I could sleep on the plane.

  Jacob came back shortly after I went down for food. He looked about the same as I felt—walking zombie.

  “Coffee, dear?” his mother asked him.

  “Please.” He walked over and kissed me on the cheek. “Hey.”

  I looked up. “Hey. You have a show tonight, too, right?”

  “Yep.” He dumped a generous helping of sugar in his mug. “Rumor has it a critic is gonna show up.”

  “Pro review? Sweet. It was a good show last night.” Though I preferred the performance at his apartment.

  He grinned; winking at me when his mother’s back was turned. “Thank you.” He looked at my plate—two slices of melon and a piece of buttered toast—and added a scoop of scrambled eggs.

  I glared at him and mouthed I’m not hungry. He shot me a look of disapproval and put two pieces of bacon on the plate, too.

  “Stop that.”

  “You need to eat,” he argued.

  “I don’t like starting with a heavy stomach.”

  “Ah, the bickering. No wonder I thought L.A. was so quiet,” Vivian said.

  “Sorry,” we said in unison.

  She shook her head, smiling. “Elizabeth, are you packed?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She nodded. “Very well. Jacob, help with her things and get her to the airport on time?”

  “You’re not coming?”

  “As much as I’d like to see you off, dear, I feel I would just be in the way.” She patted my hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll see you soon. The sale of the house still has to be overseen.”

  “Oh.” On the one hand, I was glad to get one more moment alone with him. On the other, it didn’t feel right leaving her here.

  “Jacob, could you give us a moment?” she asked.

  “Sure.” He got up from the table and went outside.

  She took my hand. “The truth is, I’m not good at goodbyes. You’ll need to be brave, Elizabeth, and my blubbering won’t help…because this isn’t goodbye.”

  “Just ‘see you later’.”

  She smiled. “Exactly. If you need to talk when you get home--”

  “I’ll pick up the phone. I, um…I can’t thank you enough for your hospitality. This trip was a big deal for me.”

  She glanced at Jacob pacing outside. “Important for both of you, it seems. Well, give me a hug, and we’ll part with smiles.”

  Gladly. I lingered in the embrace as long as she let me. Logic was usually my course, but intuition told me this trip had changed my life, that the path before me would be different, and not for the cliché reason of losing my virginity. If there was another Beth out there facing her mother’s illness without these memories, experiences, she’d be much more alone.

  Mrs. Lindsey left the kitchen and I tried to finish my breakfast. Jacob came in off the patio, sat down, and watched me eat.

  “You didn’t finish your toast,” he said.

  “It’s cold.”

  “Microwave is over there.”

  I stood with my plate and set it next to the sink. “Back off, okay? I’m too anxious to eat much and pushing food at me doesn’t help.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” A chair slid on the tile. He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

  I leaned back against his chest. “Know you’re just looking out for me.”

  “You’re my Bethie.” For him, that said it all.

  Still wanted to know what being his really meant, but I wasn’t going to ask. Not after one week. Not when I was going thousands of miles away.

  We didn’t say much during the ride to the airport. He put a CD in of bouncy punk, trying to lift our spirits and give us something else to focus on. We parked. He carried my suitcase. I wished he could see me all the way to the gate.

  “Everything I could say feels like statin’ the obvious,” he said when he could go no further. “Of course I’ll miss you.”

  “Of course you want me to have a safe flight.”

  “Of course I wish you could stay longer.” We leaned into each other, touching foreheads.

  “Me, too.” I sighed. “Well, there’s Christmas…”

  “Yeah…” His arms tightened around me. “I’ll send you a copy of the demo soon as we pick a cover shot.”

  “Looking forward to it.” I tilted my face up and kissed him, hoping he would feel what I couldn’t say.

  Hoping it would help him not forget me.

  He moaned and pressed me closer. The crowd, the airport, the take-off noise—it all fell away. We made out until someone tapped me on the shoulder.

  The security guard stood there with a raised brow until we parted contact. I blushed. Jacob was unapologetic, staring right back.

  “Move along,” the guard said, and continued on his rounds.

  “I need--”

  “To go. Yeah. Call me when you get home.”

  “It’ll be late.”

  “Beth, do you think I care?”

  My cheeks reddened further. “No…”

  He hugged me, then let me go. “Go. Before I drag you home.”

  I nodded and turned to the security line. As long as I didn’t look back, I could do this.

  Chapter Eleven

  I did sleep on the plane, but not as much as I hoped. Dad and
Mom picked me up at Baggage Claim. I smiled for them. Didn’t know what else to do.

  Mom hugged me while Daddy looked for my suitcase. “I’m sorry you cut your trip short, honey. This is all going to be very routine.”

  “I hope so, Mom.” She looked the same as when I left, still beautiful. That comforted me, and I realized I’d feared she would be weak and sickly already. “It’s okay. I still saw a lot.”

  “I want to hear all about it.”

  “Geeze, Elizabeth, what’d you bring back? Lead?” It sounded like a complaint, but he was teasing.

  “Just some books, Dad. It’s not that heavy.”

  He grunted, his usual reply, and started for the car. We followed, sharing a look of what can you do. The familiar was comforting.

  At home, I took my stuff in my room to unpack. Dad was grilling dinner tonight and Mom knew I liked to reestablish normal when I came home from a trip, so I was left alone.

  A week ago, this room had been my sanctuary. Now, as I put dirty clothes in the hamper and set aside souvenirs on my bed, it seemed smaller, inadequate. One week, and the room felt like a young girl’s, not a college student’s. I hadn’t redecorated since my sophomore year, when I wanted to go back to school as a young woman and put away all my stuffed toys except for one bear sitting on my dresser. Everything that didn’t say “teenager” went into a box in the garage.

  Jacob said he didn’t recognize the place. I took that as a compliment.

  It was the bed, I think, that really made me notice. White-painted metal, twin-size, and girly. My father put it together when I was ten. He thought girls should be all about pink and sweetness and frilly dresses. It took bringing home my dissected frog from seventh grade Biology to convince him that wasn’t me.

  Checking my watch first, I reached for the phone and called Jacob.

  “Hey, baby,” he said. Made me feel good he picked up on the second ring.

  “Hope you don’t always answer the phone like that.”

  “I was waiting for your call. What are you up to?” The warmth in his voice loosened the knot in my stomach a bit.

  “Unpacking, as far as my parents are concerned. I finished already.” I stretched out on the bed.

  “Where are you?”

  “On my bed. This thing is really too small for me now.”

  He laughed. “My mother spoiled you.”

  “You spoiled me.”

  He sucked in a breath. “Kitten…”

  Hadn’t meant to go to the sexy place. “I’m not a baby feline.”

  “No, but you are adorable and possess sharp claws and teeth.”

  I smiled. “Metaphorical, maybe.”

  “Sweetheart, I’ve got a bite mark.”

  Oh, god…where did I do that? “Um…”

  “Still there, love?”

  “I’m here.” I cleared my throat. “How was the gig?”

  “Rowdy. But we got paid. Had a pint with the boys, then came home to wait for you.”

  Awww… “Your friends are going to start to hate me.”

  “Bah…work is work, and what I do on my time is my soddin’ business.”

  “Touchy subject?”

  “Not yet. So…how is it being home again?”

  I switched the phone to my other ear and sighed. “Like there’s an elephant in the room. Mom barraged me with a ton of questions about what I saw, and Dad pretty much didn’t talk at all. Not that he’s wordy to begin with, but…”

  “I’m sure your mum will be fine, love. Could’ve just been a dirty scanner.”

  “I hope so.” Thinking of the C-word was too huge, too scary. The what-ifs had been hard to ignore since Dad told me the biopsy news.

  “Beth?”

  “Sorry…I’m here.”

  “You okay?”

  I swallowed the lump of worry in my throat. “I don’t know.”

  “Oh, baby…I wish I could hold you right now. Try not to think ahead of what you know, alright? She’s still healthy and active, right?”

  “Yeah.” Presumably.

  “Then that’s the truth until you know otherwise.”

  It was good advice. “You’re occasionally smart, Jacob Lindsey,” I teased.

  “Oh, you’ll pay for that one next time I see you.”

  “Ooo, I’m scared. You barely outweigh me.” Probably not true, but guaranteed to rile him up. My boyfriend’s vanity was a sure thing.

  “Hey, there’s muscle on this frame!”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I miss you,” he said, his voice soft and affectionate. The sudden turn surprised me.

  “Miss you, too.” After last night, I wouldn’t have left for anything but the most important circumstances. I ached for him now. “I’ll call you tomorrow as soon as I…know.”

  “I can--” He yawned. “I can stay on with you.”

  So sweet. “I’ve heard the tired in your voice the whole time, Jacob. And I know you didn’t get to sleep much.”

  “Mmm, best reason to stay up, though. Gonna dream about you, Bethie. Sure you don’t wanna chat? I don’t have to be anywhere in the mornin’.” He yawned again, and apologized.

  “Go to bed.”

  “It’s lacking a soft-skinned brunette.”

  I turned red at the seductive purr in his voice. At least he couldn’t see it this time.

  “Nothing I can do about that,” I said. “But I’m sure you’ll pass right out.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Tomorrow, love.”

  “Count on it. Bye…” I pressed “end” on the keypad.

  I loved that he wanted me there still, but emphasizing it just made it more difficult to bear. My heart wanted to be in two places at once.

  A knock on my door, then, “Elizabeth…”

  “Yes, Mom?”

  She opened the door and stuck her head around it. “Dinner, honey.”

  “Okay.” I put the phone on the stand and followed her out.

  I grabbed my glass off the table and went to the refrigerator. Dad walked in from outside with a plate of chicken. I heard the “thunk” of the plate hitting the table, then his chair sliding on the floor when he sat. The grilled veggies were already on the table. My glass full of Snapple Iced Tea, I took my place.

  It was the most quiet, awkward dinner I could remember us having. Dad complimented Mom on the marinade, she complimented him on the chicken, and I kept my mouth full to keep from asking questions I wasn’t sure I wanted answers to. Mom tried asking more about my trip, but with Daddy sitting there like a lump, I didn’t want to talk about it. He cleared his plate, then excused himself to his study for “work”.

  “Well, that was fun,” I muttered.

  “Elizabeth.”

  “Sorry, Mom.” I took my plate into the kitchen and got a bowl for ice cream.

  She sighed. “No, you’re right…I considered not telling your father until I knew something conclusive, knowing how he’d be, how he’d worry.”

  “Are you worried?”

  She handed me the chocolate ice cream. “Nervous. But, it isn’t the first time in my life there has been a lump in my breast, so I’m expecting it to be another cyst.”

  “A cyst would be good?” I scooped three scoops into my bowl, then offered her the carton.

  She shook her head, put the lid back on the ice cream, and put it in the freezer. “They’re usually benign, and they drained the last one and it was done. Or, it might just be a calcium deposit. I really wish your father hadn’t interrupted your vacation, honey.”

  Me, too, under different circumstances. “It’s okay. I want to be here. So, how does this go tomorrow?”

  “The procedure won’t take long. My doctor is going to take a look with an ultrasound, then get a sample of the lump.”

  “Cut you open?”

  “Probably not. Don’t worry, Elizabeth, I’m not going to come home looking like Swiss cheese.”

  I stuffed ice cream in my mouth and muttered, “Glad you can joke about it.” She didn’t look up from
washing the dishes, so she either didn’t hear me or chose not to comment.

  I wished I could be as non-ruffled as she was right now, but I guess I was more like Dad—too many thoughts to be glib. Back in my room, I set my bowl on my desk and looked in the drawers for a notepad, needing to write down the questions I had.

  A biopsy was taking a small sample piece for testing, but what if they look at the thing and want to get rid of all of it? She hadn’t told me how big it was. That mattered, right, for how long it’d been in the body…how bad it could be? And were there good kinds of breast cancer vs. bad ones, like the grades of skin cancer?

  As we rode to the doctor’s office the next morning, I wondered if my brother knew. If Mom was sick, I knew he’d come, but could he and Dad put aside their differences for her sake? The stress wouldn’t be good for her and I’d be stuck as referee.

  We were ten minutes early and they took Mom right in after she filled out the paperwork. She explained on the way that the doctor would be sticking a needle into the lump and pulling out a bit of tissue—no cutting today. Dad read a golf magazine, or pretended to. I watched the clock.

  “When will we know?” I asked when Mom and the doc came back to the waiting room.

  “Twenty-four to forty-eight hours,” the doctor said. “It depends on how busy the lab is. I’ll be in touch, Sarah,” she told Mom.

  “Thanks,” Mom said. She looked the same, except for not carrying her purse on her shoulder.

  “Did it hurt?” I asked her.

  “She gave me a local,” she said. “It just felt a little odd. Now, who wants brunch?”

  Dad opened the door for her, took her hand to walk back to the car, and that was it. They were ignoring the elephant. I didn’t flippin’ care about brunch.

  “Mom, is that all you’re going to say?”

  “Elizabeth, I don’t know anything more to say. We have to wait.”

  “How can you be so calm?”

  “Elizabeth, that’s enough,” Dad said. He glared at me. I glared back.

  He dropped me at home with a line about “fixing my attitude”. It was his clumsy way of protecting Mom. Alone in the house, I went for the phone and called Jacob.