My Once and Future Love Read online

“Love you, too.” I heard her hang up the phone. Note to self: eight hours earlier, NOT later.

  Still three hours left before Jacob arrived. I flopped back on the bed and sighed, hoping today would be normal. We could be, if this stupid attraction thing would stop getting in the way. Otherwise, a month of this was going to drive me insane.

  Maybe a few more days were all I should stay.

  ****

  Her door was open. Jacob found her on the bed, reading a book. He rapped twice on the door.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi,” he said. “Ready to go?”

  She put a bookmark in the book and set it on the nightstand. “Yeah.” She settled the strap of her bag across her torso and followed him out. “Where’s the meeting?”

  “Deli close to the gig.”

  “She’s shooting you tonight?”

  “Yeah, but we’re payin’ this time. We need a cover for the demo sleeve.”

  “Explains the haircut,” she said behind him.

  He reached the first floor. “Yeah.” He ran a hand over his locks. “Saw a barber this mornin’.” It was shorter on the sides, with the top left long enough to slick back or spike. No more bleached tips.

  She wore the same jeans from last night, and a plain blue tee, her hair pulled back into a French braid. No make-up, no earrings, no perfume—just Beth.

  Didn’t make him want her less.

  Pushing that thought aside, he opened the front door and walked to the bike, passing her the extra helmet. She climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle, gripping her arms instead of his waist.

  “You can hold on to me, love. That’s how this works.”

  “I’m fine.”

  He sighed and started the bike. At least after a few times now, she no longer felt terrified behind him, though having her wrapped tightly around him was nice. They needed to talk later. He hated when it got awkward between them.

  Kit was already at the deli. She was around thirty, with tousled ice-blonde hair that grazed her cheekbones. Standing to greet them when they walked in, she was taller than Beth.

  “Hey, Jake. Nice to see you’re only--” She checked her watch. “Five minutes late.”

  “Traffic.” He nudged Beth forward. “This is Beth Lawson.”

  “Hi.” She offered a handshake.

  “Kit Vokac. You’re interested in pro photography?” She took her seat and gestured they should do the same.

  “Yeah. I’m rarely without a camera these days, but I’ve been hooked since I was a kid,” Beth said.

  Kit nodded. “Well, I’ll say first you won’t get rich by it, unless you’re very, very lucky, so if fame and glory’s what you’re after, I’m not workin’ with ya.”

  “It’s not. My mother used to have local gallery showings, but she only made enough to buy new equipment here and there. I’m in it for love and I want to learn.”

  Kit shrugged. “Good enough, then. You can observe tonight and we’ll see how it goes.”

  “Beth won’t disappoint you,” he said.

  “Well, I gotta run, kids.” Kit stood. “See you later.”

  Beth kicked his shin when they were alone.

  “Ow. What was that for?”

  “I can speak for myself. You didn’t need to interject.”

  “Sorry.”

  She sighed. “What time are you meeting at the club?”

  “’Round six.”

  “Fine. I’ll see you later.” She stood and started for the door. He hopped up and caught her arm.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Exploring. I’m on vacation, remember?” She folded her arms under her breasts, jerking out of his grip.

  “You don’t know where anything is, Beth.”

  “I have a map.”

  Bloody stubborn woman. “Are you really mad enough over one interruption to run away from me?”

  She rolled her eyes and turned for the door. “Get over yourself.”

  He followed her out to the sidewalk. “Doesn’t take a genius to see you’re still mad about last night, love.”

  “Fine, yes, the whole week has been a lesson in frustration. Happy? I want things to go back to how they were.”

  “What things?”

  “This.” She gestured around them. “Us. I’m tired of fighting with you and being confused. It’s too much too fast, and I still have to go home.”

  “You want me to forget, Beth? I can’t do that.” She was already in his blood, his soul.

  “Be my friend, Jacob. Or I’m leaving tomorrow.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  She turned her gaze away to watch the cars passing by. “It’s what I’ve decided.”

  If that was how she wanted it. “Then I’ll miss you.”

  She looked up in surprise, then nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Yeah.” He pivoted on his heel and walked to the bike before he did something embarrassing or stupid.

  He got halfway home before he thought what have I done? One week…god, one soddin’ week, and she’d turned his world and his heart upside-down. If she’d just stop bein’ so damn afraid…

  ****

  I wandered London for almost four hours before going back to the Lindsey house.

  Congratulations, Beth…couldn’t even date a guy for one week. Good job.

  “It’s his fault. He wants more than I can give.” I threw another large crumb of bread to the sparrows on the deck.

  “Elizabeth! Phone call, dear.”

  “Coming.” I left the half-eaten roll on the patio table and went inside.

  Maybe Jacob changed his mind?

  Vivian handed me the cordless. “It’s your father.”

  “Oh.” Daddy? What would he call me here for? “Hello?” I carried the phone to my room.

  “Elizabeth. I wanted to say something while your mother’s out of the house.”

  “Dad, I’m fine. Perfectly safe. Ten fingers and ten toes--”

  “It’s not about your trip. Look, your mother doesn’t want you to know until you come back, but she’s going in for a biopsy Monday.”

  “Biopsy? O-of what?” The color drained out of my skin.

  “She found a lump, honey. I think you should be here, but it’s your choice. As she keeps reminding me, you’re an adult now.” A door closed in the background.

  He hung up without letting me reply. Of all the things to guilt me with…

  No, it wasn’t about guilt…he just communicated in his usual awkward fashion and let me deal with the consequences. My legs gave out and my butt landed on the bed.

  A lump. A lump in my mom.

  The phone started making that noise of a disconnected call and I turned it off.

  Would they know when they looked at the…the thing? There would be tests, right, and waiting…that’s what you always heard. People frustrated by the waiting.

  Vivian knocked softly on my open door. “Elizabeth, you’re white as a sheet. Is everything alright?”

  I felt my head turn toward her, though I hadn’t told it to. “My, uh, my mom’s having surgery Monday. He wanted me to know.”

  She came and sat next to me, taking the phone from my hand. “Is it serious?”

  “I don’t know. He said it’s for a biopsy.”

  “Well, I’m sure it’ll turn out alright. Do you want to schedule a flight right away?”

  “I…I have something to do tonight, but…can you find out what’s available tomorrow?”

  “Of course.” She pulled me into her arms. “I care a great deal for your family, dear. Whatever you need.”

  Tears coursed down my cheeks onto her blouse. I stayed in the hug and closed my eyes, willing myself to be strong until I had information. Lawsons didn’t panic.

  “Thanks,” I said, pulling away.

  Vivian handed me a tissue. “I’ll make those calls.”

  Once she left, I closed the door and changed clothes for tonight. The band t-shirt on, I combed out the br
aid in my hair and brushed it up into a high ponytail. After wiggling mascara on my lashes, I took out the chubby eye pencil I’d bought on a whim and colored my lids smoky blue. Surprisingly, the dark color didn’t look scary on my image in the mirror. My glasses back in place and a swipe of gloss completed my routine.

  I double-checked there was a fresh roll in my camera—digital was still too expensive—and went downstairs to wait for the cab I ordered. My hands shook during the ride to the club. Whether from the shock about Mom, seeing Jacob, or nerves about working with Kit, I couldn’t say.

  From the outside, this was a nicer venue than last Saturday’s. Inside, it was twice the size and, from my limited knowledge, pretty dang cool. Jacob’s band was setting up their instruments onstage for the sound check. He walked out of the back with Kit, discussing something. She had a tripod set up in the middle of the room with a digital Canon on top. He hopped on the stage and picked up his guitar.

  “Hey,” she greeted me.

  “Nice camera.”

  She grinned. “Yeah. What you got?”

  “My mom’s old Pentax. It’s not fancy, but she had a lot of lenses.”

  “Hey, gotta start somewhere.” She put her eye to her camera, then adjusted settings. “Wait until you get up to editing software. Lots of fun. Been in a dark room, yet?”

  “Practically grew up in it. My brother’s former bedroom is Mom’s image factory.”

  “Awesome.” She stepped away from the tripod. “Well, until they turn on the lights, I’m in limbo, so let’s have a seat.”

  “Okay.” I pulled out a chair at the nearest table.

  He started singing You Got It All. He hadn’t looked at me, yet, since I walked in the door. It hurt. Kit watched me watch him play.

  “How long you and Jake been somethin’?”

  “Huh? Oh, we met my freshman year of high school. How long have you been friends?”

  “Wouldn’t say ‘friends’. I’m a fan, and they’ve been appreciative of my work.”

  “Oh.” Yet Jacob felt comfortable asking her for a favor?

  “Don’t get me wrong. He’d be good for a tumble or two—look at him, but I like my men seasoned,” she said. “Boy put out his best sales pitch to get me to meet you, though. I don’t like people lookin’ over my shoulder, but it was hard to say no.”

  My cheeks warmed. “He’s like that sometimes, but I don’t want to be in your way. If you’d rather e-mail me a few shots with some notes, that’s fine. I didn’t ask him to bug you.”

  “Nah, it’s cool, as long as you don’t mind bein’ a gopher.”

  I shook my head. “I like to keep busy.” Anything to keep from running to a phone to talk to Mom.

  The house lights dropped and the spots and colored accent lights shone on the stage. Kit got up and started snapping shots while the band played through Figured It Out. She gave them a thumb’s up at the end and started dismantling the tripod.

  “You’re done?” I asked.

  “With the paid gig, yeah. I’m stickin’ around to shoot the live show.”

  “Oh.” I took the collapsed tripod she handed me.

  “My bag’s over there,” she said, pointing to the wall at my left.

  She had a duffle by the stage door. I put the tripod inside and crossed past the stage on my way back. He crouched in front of his amp, pulling the cord out. Our eyes met, but his expression was blank.

  “Break a leg,” I said. He carried his guitar offstage, ignoring me. Ouch again. “Jacob…” I went after him.

  “What?” he asked in the hall.

  “I have to leave tomorrow. Something’s come up.”

  He kept walking past the others. “Have a safe flight.”

  I caught up and touched his arm. “Can you stop being mad at me for a second? I’m serious. My dad called and I have to go. I don’t know if I’ll get to say goodbye.”

  He finally turned around. “What happened?”

  “My mom’s having a thing on Monday. He wanted me to know. She didn’t. I don’t want to talk about it right now, but…I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  “Are you okay?”

  I shrugged, not sure how to answer, or if I could. He stepped forward to give me a one-armed hug and kissed my forehead.

  “I’m sorry, Bethie.”

  Several things popped in my head to say, but all I did was inhale his scent. The lack of his presence at home would be a hole in my life when I could need him most and I wanted to memorize everything.

  Chapter Nine

  Kit instructed me on her camera through the opening act. We were working with the same terms, just the controls were different. Had to admit—seeing instant results was pretty cool.

  Once Jacob’s band came on, she moved through the crowd, getting shots from all sides. I kept watch over her stuff at a table along the wall. She came back to me twice for drink refills, once to switch memory cards.

  “Honestly, he’s too good for ‘em,” she shouted over the music.

  “Who?”

  “That one and that one,” she said, pointing to the bassist and drummer. “Neither one can keep time.”

  And I thought the cacophony was intentional. Learn something new every day.

  Some girl in the front of the mosh pit passed Jacob a slip of paper during the interlude. He winked at her and stuck it in his pocket.

  Bastard. Back to friends for mere hours and he was already flirting with new girls. Guess that proved what he felt for me, huh?

  Just big, fat, lust.

  Yay, me.

  ****

  He could feel her eyes on him, but refused to look. He wasn’t going to let her toy with his heart until she figured out what she wanted. This afternoon’s pain proved there was a name for what he felt—love.

  Terrifying, heart-consuming love. It snuck up on him, then whacked him in the head like a hammer. This week had been the catalyst for knowledge, but not the emotion. She’d been making a home inside him since the day he walked into her kitchen.

  Four years. But it wasn’t the right time. He couldn’t make her try.

  They finished the set and he threw his guitar pick into the crowd and escaped backstage.

  “Nice job, gentlemen. I’ll have the proofs for ya in a couple days,” Kit said. She handed him a beer.

  “Thanks, love.” He took a long swig, feeling parched. “Beth still here?”

  “Somewhere.” She finished handing out drinks and left.

  They were the last band for the night, so the club was playing piped-in music now. The mosh pit had dispersed, leaving couples slow-dancing on the floor. No immediate sign of his girl. He didn’t want to walk out into the main room, since the birds at this club tended to swarm him, so with a curse, he exited the building out the back.

  Beth stood by the curb talking to the bouncer.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hi. Going home?”

  He turned to his band-mates coming out the same way. “Don’t know.”

  “Ah. Well, goodnight.” She smiled at the bouncer, who’d flagged her cab a few feet down the street.

  “Wait.” Jacob slid in after her before she could close the door.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You tell me.”

  “I really do have to leave tomorrow,” she whispered.

  “That’s tomorrow.” He touched her cheek. “I know you, love. You aren’t goin’ to sleep a wink when you’re worried, so why suffer insomnia alone?”

  She glanced away and sniffed. “You’re a good friend.”

  Friend… Right. He gave the cabbie his address and settled back in the seat, the soft case for his guitar between his legs. She stayed on her side, her face turned to the window.

  He sighed. It was going to be a long night…

  ****

  Jacob was too sweet to offer to keep me company. I didn’t deserve it. I’d hurt him this afternoon, yet here he was, still supportive.

  “You should be celebrating with t
he band. It was a great gig.”

  “It was alright.”

  “The applause was deafening.”

  He cracked a grin. “Yeah, it was. Though that crowd would cheer on a foghorn by ten o’clock, they’re so knackered.”

  “Knackered?”

  “Hammered. Drunk. Three sheets to the wind.”

  “Got it. Still fun, though, right?” Least I could do was try to cheer him up.

  “As long as we don’t get booed.”

  I shifted a little to face him. “Kit said you could use some better back-up.”

  “Huh.”

  “She had a lot to say about working in that kind of lighting, and I got to play with her camera a little. It was cool.”

  “Glad you had a good time.” He smiled at me, first I’d seen all day.

  It still did things to my tummy. The car stopped in front of his building. I paid the cabbie.

  “Went to the market this mornin’,” Jacob said, unlocking the door to the lobby.

  “How grown up,” I teased. It got me an eye roll.

  He pushed the button for the elevator. “They finally fixed the lift.”

  “Cool.” I hoped it’d been fixed well.

  It opened on the third floor without incident. Once more to 3B—had I been here since my drunken attempt to seduce him? Insane that was only a week ago.

  He let us in and set the guitar on its stand. “Thirsty?”

  “Water’s fine. I’m going to use your bathroom. Promise not to make it smell like vomit.”

  “Ha, ha.”

  Whoa, he cleaned. Actually frickin’ cleaned. The room wasn’t going to look new due to its age, but it was clean and tidy.

  “It looks nice,” I told him when I came out.

  “Couldn’t sleep last night.” He nodded to a glass of water. “Want a sandwich?”

  “Maybe later.” I took my water and sat on his futon.

  He went all out, toasting the bread, then using mayonnaise, mustard, and piling on cold cuts from three packages. Amazed me the man could keep a thirty-inch waist with how much he ate. He grabbed a bottled beer and brought his plate to the futon. The TV clicked on a second later. Sports channel.

  Sitting quietly while he unwound from the gig, I watched him eat, the chewing motion making his cheekbones stand out. He wore a white tank tonight with an unbuttoned black short-sleeve shirt over it. The shirt had been absent during the concert, the girls in the audience drooling over his defined arms. He only got more gorgeous with every year, and I wondered how long it’d be before he got mobbed by fangirls everywhere.